Saturday, May 18, 2013

Marriage – the facts you need to know - 43

Marriage – the facts you need to know - 43


·         You need to know she will be stunned to come home to a candlelight dinner served on the fine china. So stunned that amazing things will happen later in the evening.

·         You need to know that a wife who feels taken for granted is a wife who may start looking for another man who makes her feel desirable and wanted.

·         You need to know the answer to her question "What are you thinking?" should always, always, always be "How beautiful you are."

·         You need to know to send her flowers with a truly sappy card for no real reason.

·         You need to know any wife who asks, "Do you love me?" wants a one-word answer. Don't elaborate. ("Yes, though I wish you'd cut your hair like the trainee in legal . . ." Don't go there.)

·         You need to know from this point on no other girl is pretty. The very best looking are "not bad."

·         You need to use deodorant. And floss.

·         You need to know she will care deeply about things that mystify you. Like accent pillows. And bedspreads. Don't ask.

·         You need to know she thinks your back and chest are too hairy. And she wants to shave them.

·         You need to know watching a sunset instead of TV can help you learn more about what's going on with her.

·         You need to know to buy her an extravagant gift every now and then for no reason at all. It says all the things you've neglected to. It might make up for taking her to Hooters on your anniversary.

·         You need to know she'll want to talk about her feelings: her feelings about the future, her feelings about spaghetti, her feelings about her ex best friend in junior high. Though you'd rather pull out your teeth one at a time, sit down and listen.

·         You need to know that even though she loves you, you could use some improvement. Like your clothes. Who bought them for you? Your ex girlfriend?

·         You need to know that, unless requested, she doesn't want your help in the kitchen. Just your company.

·         You need to know a perfectly sane woman can have seven different moods in one hour. You can't control them. Heck, she can't even control them.

·         You need to know there's something genetic in a woman that makes her cook soup when you or your kids are sick.

·         You need to know that, even after twenty-five years, she'll still sometimes worry if you really love her.

·         You need to know that in any twenty-four-hour period, she could be worried about finances, about her parents enjoying retirement, about her children's refusal to get married, about her dog's happiness and about your apparent blindness to dirty clothes on the floor. One right after another.

·         You need to know you're going to like her new haircut. Even though you haven't seen it. You like it.