Marriage – the facts you need to know - 48
· You need to know he likes to be hugged even though he'd never tell you.
· You need to know he has a fascination for bodily noises. Don't ask why.
· You need to know nagging isn't sexy or effective.
· You need to know he doesn't need a mother. Even if he leaves his underwear lying around.
· You need to know he's counting on you to not finish your dinner. So he can. Assuming it's not pimento cheese.
· You need to know he really doesn't know how to change a diaper.
· He never played with dolls.
· You need to know men aren't into "sharing the moment." They're worrying about paying the mortgage next month.
· You need to know all men need tools. An electric drill. A chain saw. A 2000 piece tool set. He may never use them. But he needs to know they're in the garage.
· You need to know he'll never feel he's making enough money.
· You need to know if you make more money than he does, his ego may not recover. Men are weird that way.
· You need to know eating off your plate uninvited is his way of saying he trusts you.
· You need to know you could be married to him for fifty years and still not know he's always hated Grey's Anatomy.
· You need to know he ranks golf right below food, clothing, and shelter. Arguing with him about this will just make him want to go to the driving range.
· You need to know he will be furious if your cell phone is turned off or uncharged. Just a hint.
· You need to know that unless he does the shopping—for food, diapers, and medicine—he'll never know how much things cost.
· You need to know he views the bathroom the way you might view a library. It's a place to get serious reading done.
· You need to know the reason he hasn't picked up his shoes is because he's lost them.
· You need to know he doesn't think a pile of laundry is that important. Yelling at him will just make him think your hormones are acting up.
· You need to know that most men can live with dirty clothes piled to the ceiling until he runs out of underwear. That's when he'll think about washing them.
· You need to know men lose things. Cell phones. Wallets. Keys. Sometimes their cars. Criticizing won't help.