Marriage – the facts you need to know - 46
· You need to know that if you want your husband to do something when you want him to do it, the way you want him to do it, chances are excellent he won't do anything.
· You need to know he doesn't want to talk about the marriage. He wants to watch cricket.
· You need to know that when he says, "Nothing's wrong," nothing is wrong. Certainly nothing's wrong enough to interrupt cricket.
· You need to know if you ask him what he's thinking about, it's either sex, food, or cricket. That's why he doesn't want to tell you.
· You need to know it's hard for a man to tell you what he's worried about. So start with something simple. Like, is he worried the team won't make the playoffs? Then work up.
· You need to know men keep things. Like train sets. And baseball cards. And high school papers. This tendency may require you to find a bigger house.
· You need to know you might spend a fortune on coloring and styling your hair, a manicure and pedicure, a facial and new make-up, and he still won't notice anything different.
· You need to know it doesn't matter if you have a six-figure income. Your husband will always feel like he's supposed to be the primary breadwinner.
· You need to know that when he's in the bathroom he doesn't want to have a conversation with you through the door. He will, however, happily talk to you on his cell.
· You need to know men think soap, water, and maybe shampoo are all that's needed to get clean.
· You need to know men listen differently from women. Women say
· "mm hmm" a lot when someone is talking to them. Men fiddle with the remote control.
· You need to know that men tend to interrupt women. It's not just him. It's the entire breed.
· You need to know he doesn't have ESP. Another male shortcoming.
· You need to know men don't understand what "doing the laundry" means. Washing? Washing and drying? Washing, drying, and folding? And ironing? He doesn't know.
· You need to know men are incapable of filling out forms.
· You need to know a man feels loved when his wife respects him.
· You need to know that when he's sick, he really wants you to stop everything and take care of him. Seriously. His mother would.
· You need to know to not always quiz your husband about his feelings. What he's usually feeling is hungry.
· You need to know men don't like to shave. He's not trying to make a fashion statement. He's avoiding razor burn.
· You need to know he expects you to know what's wrong with the kids. You've read the books.