Marriage – Facts you need to know - 14
· You need to know that denying all responsibility for the problems you're facing is a problem.
· You need to know it's easier to see the defensiveness in your partner than in yourself.
· You need to know that constantly complaining about your marriage to anyone who'll listen will lead to you having no one to complain about.
· You need to know blame doesn't make a marriage stronger.
· You need to know that when you make accusations about what your partner is thinking ("You think I don't know what I'm doing"), you're setting the stage for a no-win argument.
· You need to know that if you respond to your partner's complaint with a bigger complaint of your own and totally ignore what's been said, you're avoiding responsibility. And the fight will go on.
· You need to know if you're still mad about something that happened five years ago, it's a sign you're off your meds.
· You need to know the less defensive you act during an argument, the sooner your partner will realize you're actually listening to what they're saying.
· You need to know that stonewalling— responding to a complaint or criticism with the silent treatment—tells your spouse you really don't care much about the marriage.
· You need to know not talking about a problem often leads to bigger problems.
· You need to know if you bring your anger from work into the house, you'll now have problems in both places.
· You need to know to be on time. Be on time for dinner, be on time when you meet somewhere. Don't keep the other one hanging. It causes problems.
· You need to know if you put up with lying, drugs, alcohol, or infidelity early in your marriage, the later years will only be worse.
· You need to know a lack of food, energy, sleep, or exercise can cause even the most mild-mannered person to lose it over a dirty dish.
· You need to know to fight the urge to scold, nag, and whine. Sometimes it's a battle.
· You need to know that when someone is suffering from depression, you can't cheer them up. Men doing the dishes won't even help. A doctor is what's needed.
· You need to know if you're spending all your time blogging online about the state of your marriage instead of actually talking to your husband, you have an issue.
· You need to know if you are watching TV for three hours a night but spending only ten minutes in conversation, you have an issue.
· You need to know if you don't want to have any more sex with your spouse, you have an issue.
· You need to know if you find yourselves screaming at each other over whether to have squash or spinach for dinner, you have other problems.