Woman and the husband's family
We know that most part of the problems in marriage come with the extended family. Sometimes the groom’s family thinks they can use the new bride as their maid, sometimes they think they can give her orders or tell her how to live her life, take care of her home and family or even raise her kids. Other times, the husband doesn’t feel his wife is being submissive and obedient enough to his family, that she is not serving them enough or properly, or just feels uncomfortable with the fact that she has opinions, habits, ways of doing things and personality that are different of his family’s, specially, his mother. Actually, some of them have some problem in understanding that his wife is just not his mother! This all shows only a difficulty in dealing with different kinds of relationships, a lack of knowledge of the scriptures and real traditions, and a lack of education of these men and their family.
The scriptures make very clear what is the position of the bride in relation to the groom’s family so that anyone who has at least a little education will know how to behave properly with the bride and then won’t spoil a new marriage, that is such a delicate relationship in which the couple need time to get adjusted to each other and the changes at their own lives, what means they need time to themselves without other’s interference.
Thus, the Rig Veda (10.85.27) says: “Happy be thou and prosper with thy children here; be vigilant to rule thy household, in this home”. Women who give up their right and duty to rule their household are irreligious, since they are going against the scriptures, and they are also being responsible for the destruction of the real family structure as it is supposed to be, and they are destroying their own traditions. Besides, their main duty that is to keep religious principals as they are and teach that to their kids is also not being met. Giving up these rights and duties mean to raise kids who will also develop the same incorrect behavior and will also suffer in their own relationships since they got such a bad example at home. Girls will be raised believing that they have no rights and boys will grow up believing that they can lord over their wives and that will, in both cases, result in unhealthy relationships and unhappy families. Women should be happy at their home.
To get used to be treated as an object to satisfy the husband and his family is not happiness. One can get used to anything in this life! Women who just pretend to be happy to avoid problems and women who accept not to be properly honored are causing the fall down of their families, and all the religious rites performed by them become nothing according to the scriptures. Due to their kind heart, humble nature and, sometimes, due to improper education and examples they had at home, women feel that they don’t have the right to be honored, or feel they are being selfish if they do things their way or to themselves, or think it’s wrong not to agree with the husband and his family all the time. But, actually, this behavior is irresponsible, escapist and irreligious, and that’s what actually puts in danger the entire society, since the society’s future is the children, and these children are learning from their mothers’ teachings and actions.
Someone can think: “but the husband is like God for his wife”. But we shouldn’t forget that the wife is the Goddess of the fortune for the husband. And although we see women treating their husbands like God, how hard it is to find husbands who treat their wives as they treat their fortune! We should understand that this is a statement for the couples to take as an example the wonderful harmonious relationship between Visnu and Laksmi, Radha and Krsna, Siva and Parvati, and so on. We see so much respect between them! God is the maintainer, the one who loves, protects, forgives, understands. But when it comes to His representation in man-woman relationship, He becomes the bad boss. Although people talk to God in a close informal way, these representatives of God, the husbands, can’t take that the wife speaks their holy name, since she’s so much inferior and their relationship is not a close one as the relationship God has with his devotees! That makes me think that either these people are not really being like God to their wives or they just have no information about Him, and then they can’t represent Him!
Krsna begs for Radha to let him put his head over her feet, Siva and Parvati are half and half of the same body, and she even seated on his lap while who was speaking about religion to a great assembly of saints. We always see him hugging her when they are with their kids, as we see Radha and Krsna playing together. It’s not that they don’t show any kind of personal intimate relationship or feelings, or that they show a boss and his obedient slave. How strange it is that parents don’t even hold hands or speak caring words in front of their kids, since these demonstrations of love and relationships based in deep feelings are considered improper, while they can seat in front a TV and see bollywood girls doing sexual movements with indecent clothes and orgasm faces! A kiss is improper, hold hands is improper. A camera close under skirts and scenes of man seated with many semi-naked women passing their hands all over his body are not. Feelings are censured. People portrayed as sexual objects is allowed.
Back to the point of woman’s position in the husband’s family, the famous marriage hymn (10.85) calls upon members of the husband’s family to treat the daughter in law (invited into the family 'as a river enters the sea') as the queen samrajni. Actually, the Atharva (14.1.20), states: Hey wife! Become the queen and manager of everyone in the family of your husband.
It doesn’t say she should be submissive till she conquers their heart; it doesn’t say she should wait till she gets old for her to have some recognition; it doesn’t say she has to do all the duties at home following someone else’s order, as a maid would do.
From the Rig Veda 10.85.46 we have: “Be a queen to your father-in-law; be a queen to your mother-in-law; be a queen to your husband's sister, be a queen to your husnad's brothers ( SamrA~Jni svasurE bhava ; samrA~jni svasravam bhava; nanAndhAri samra~jni bhava;samrA~jni adhi dEvrushu ).
When Ganga was throwing her babies in the water, no one from her husband’s side stopped her. There are no stories from Yasoda or Devaki telling Krsna’s wives what to do at their homes. There are no stories of Balaram giving orders to Krsna wives either. Our own parents and our partner’s parents and family should always be respected. But the main structure of a family is mother, father and kids. If this structure cannot exist in peace due to influence of the family from any side, that is just not right. Parents are supposed to have more knowledge, so they should know their grown-up kids need to have some intimate life with their partners. They should understand the needs and wills of a new wife. After so much Muslim influence, maybe the parents, specially the mother, was not treated properly in her own marriage, and in this case she should understand the mistakes and not try to make them also herself now that she has an opportunity. If someone didn’t have love in its marriage, the person should pray that others – his/her son, daughter, brother, sister – will have it, and try to understand the different level of relationship they can achieve. We shouldn’t respect only our elders, we should respect everyone. Even an animal should be respected. Everyone thinks they know very well how others should live their lives. But we should just try to act the way we think is right in our own lives and, about others, all we can do is to be ready for them if they need us.
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