Thursday, September 17, 2009

The guide to wife translations


The guide to wife translations


The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want


The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want


The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious


The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later


The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain


The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to


The wife says: I'm not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset you more


The wife says: You're ... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot


The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.


The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.


The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!


The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.


The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!


The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.


The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.


The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.


The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.


The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.


The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.


The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]


The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No


The wife says: No
The wife means: No


The wife says: Maybe

The wife means: No


The wife says: I'm sorry
The wife means: You'll be sorry

The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it

The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.

The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him

The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.

The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.

The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.

The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.
The wife means: I'm still building up steam.






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